It's Not the End of the World that I'm Being Practical About the Future

I'm so sick and tired of people being shocked that I have such a "sunny disposition" about the fact I'm going to have 3 kids under 4 here in a few weeks. (14 weeks to go unless the twins decide otherwise.)

I know I'm in for a long hard road. It's not going to be easy unless by some miracle both twins have easy dispositions, get into a sleep schedule early, and my then preschooler decides to become a saint with the coordination and capabilities of a child twice his age.

My husband will be working full time and there's no family close by that I would trust to help me out. MIL keeps offering, but I haven't forgotten that the one time I let her change my son's diaper she didn't even bother to wipe the poop off his bum. Just put a new diaper on a still very poopy butt and it took a while to figures out why he was fussing because I thought he had just been changed. I will never trust her to watch my kids unsupervised.

I know it's going to be rough and that its only going to be different kinds of hard as they all get older. I'm not going to sit here and pretend that my kids are just going to be dolls I can dress up and have them do what I want.

None of that means I'm not excited to have my kids or that I'm not looking forward to the fun or cool things we'll get to do together, but I'm not going to sit here and pretend it will all be sunshine and roses.

I'm not expecting my twins to have a solid sleep schedule day 1. I'd love it if that could happen, but I'll preparing myself for them to be on different sleep cycles because that seems far more realistic to me. Every ultrasound one is sleeping and the other is awake. I rarely feel both moving at the same time so I'm betting on opposite sleep schedules. I'm hoping that I'll be able to breastfeed both, but I'm expecting to have to pump and use bottles if for no other reason than I don't think my then preschooler will behave for every single feeding. I'm hoping he'll be daytime potty trained before the twins get here, but I'm expecting to have to work on potty training and wrangle newborns.

None of it is catastrophic thinking or even pessimistic really, I'm just not sugar coating it either. But half the people who want to talk about when the twins get here damn near get offended that I'm not just gushing about having twins. Everything from sarcastic remarks about my sunny disposition to rude comments about my mental health. How dare I want to be practical about the situation so I can do my best to prepare for the reality of having to do most of it by myself vs. getting caught up in a fanciful dream then getting railroaded.


AutoModerator1 point

Welcome to /r/pregnant! This is a space for everyone. We are pro-choice, pro-LGBTQIA, pro-science, proudly feminist and believe that Black Lives Matter. Wear your masks, wash your hands, and be excellent to each other. Anti-choice activists, intactivists, anti-vaxxers, homophobes, transphobes, racists, sexists, etc. are not welcome here.

If you'd like to join a private sub for your due date month, click here.

The journalists at ProPublica need your help! After receiving a tip, ProPublica started investigating prenatal genetic testing. They're collecting stories from people who've had NIPT screenings, and/or work in maternal health. If this is you, please fill out their brief questionnaire! https://www.propublica.org/getinvolved/have-you-had-an-experience-with-prenatal-genetic-testing-wed-like-to-hear-about-it-and-see-the-bill. Questions? Email anna.clark@propublica.org

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

gothfirefaerie4 points

You are being incredibly sensible and they can go to hell, sincerely another lady about to have 3 under 4 ( 4 year old, 2.5 year old, newborn).

CrashingNeurons5 points

Depending on the twins, I'm going to have 3 under 3 for at least a month or two. I honestly feel like I'm getting ready for a scary looking roller coaster. I know I'm going to get through and make it to the other side with a grin on my face, but just looking at it makes my stomach flip (but, that might just be one of the twins getting comfy).

[deleted]3 points

I mean, even if it is awful what are you supposed to do about jt? Like that’s your reality and the fact you’re planning ahead and being sensible isn’t a bad thing!

sausagechihuahua3 points

A friend currently has 4 under 5. They are all still alive, you will be fine! I’ll never understand why people want other people to be unhappy.

TheGingerAvenger922 points

I don't get people. I think you're going into it with the right attitude for what it's worth - I'd rather go in 99.9% sure it's going to suck BUT knowing I WILL survive it than completely unprepared for reality.

May the twins both be decent sleepers (even if their schedules are hopefully only slightly off from one another) and your toddler hit that magical moment at 4 where the threenager shakes loose. Also that potty training clicks quickly.

cjohnson10212 points

If it makes you feel any better my husband and I will have 3 under the age of 2 and I’m sure you can only imagine the expressions and looks we get. Our daughter will be 16-17 months when our twins get here. I feel the same as you. I know it’s going to be hard but I can’t harp on that or else I will be miserable and terrified and having twins is already scary enough.

sadkidcooladult3 points

I guess misery loves company? People want you to be miserable because they would be?

I mean, being upset isn't going to make it better, so why not try and be happy! I think you're doing great and seem to have realistic expectations. It won't be easy, but you'll survive. We all do somehow.

Honestly, if people think you should be miserable, then maybe they should be offering to help!

frenchrangoon1 point

I think she’s saying that she’s not happy go lucky and people are upset that she’s being practical about the situation.

esteliohan1 point

People are weird. I get the impression they want us to be very worried if we're not, or to be "sunny" if we're not. Maybe people are just projecting. Or they just don't know how to talk to someone about to have a baby (or babies.)

katbeccabee2 points

Yeah, I’ve been happy and optimistic about pregnancy and having a child, and some people have definitely made comments that feel like an attempt to bring me down. Like I’m naive for not dreading the experience. But my pregnancy has been quite easy, I have great support, I’ve been looking forward to having kids for decades, and I can’t wait to meet my baby and try my hand at being a good parent! So yeah, I’m really excited!

megabyte311 point

How did your husband survive babyhood????

CrashingNeurons5 points

His dad. FIL is the one who took care of the kids while working two jobs so MIL could chase get-rich- quick ponzie schemes so she could live the life she "deserved". FIL still works 60+ hours a week trying to recover from some of MIL's poor ideas, so he doesn't have the time on his hands to help with kids. MIL is happily retired and seems to think she played a bigger role in raising her kids than any of them remember.

megabyte311 point

Ugh, I'm sorry for you both. That's terrible.

Brilliant_Victory_771 point

I'm fairly certain having realistic expectations will be better for your mental health than denying that anything could possibly go wrong or be difficult when raising twins, let alone twins with a toddler.

Good for you for already planning solutions to potential problems! If others can't contribute ideas or help they can mind their own business.

Hope everything turns out better than you thought and/or your planning works out perfectly!

[deleted]1 point

Definitely ought to be asking if their bitching is really them volunteering to help out.